demoralized = confident taken away

yes, i'm demoralized.
i wanted to do well.
but loads and dozen of things is stopping me from doing so.
the very very very obvious ones are , the environment that i'm in.
freaks. u all dont understand me.
U THINK U UDS? let me tell u, u dont. NOT A BITTT.
idiots like me can only cry!
wthhh..

i'm not going to rob a bank rite?!
i'm not killing people rite?!
i'm not BOMBINGGGG singapore rite?!
i didnt do anything that i'm not suppose to.
i didnt go against the law.
I DIDNT OKIE.
i just don understand why.
u are stubborn. i am too.
WtHhh.
but, u won. i lose.
it's unfair larr.
please. i know what is best for me.
i know the environment i want.
it's not that i didnt study when i go out.
it's not this case!
i made a point to even go out when i'm just so lazy..
i made this point to study.
but yet, once and again, u spoiled my confient, my mood, my every hope.
i really dont understand..
i tot u should be by my side..
i really tot u were the only person who could understand a lil bit of my feeling..
but i was wrong.
soo wrongg.
u dont at all..
u are just as bad as anyone everyone out there.
i really hope to have some warmth from u / u all.
but.. all i got was scolding, harsh words, cannings, stupid restrictions.
THESE IS NOT WAT I WANT.
cant u all just understand mee..
i like reasons.
i WANT reason.
be more understand can u?!
i wont harm myself by playing outside when i got a good environment there.
and, no harm trying.. if i really play i bet i wont go again.
or, i'll ask u all to stop me from going..
at least i wont be that stubborn..
at leastt....
i'm just so speechless.. u guys dont uds me.
no one does in fact.
i dont too..
no determination.
no confindent.
dont have the mood.
no heart to study for it.
i wanna give up.
but know wat?!
i tot of u all, and i dropped these tots..
i've been pushing myself to like maths to do well for maths
but in the end, i'm still a failure.
u all didnt/ NEVER encourage me at all..
not even a word of praise.
=`(
know how hurting it was?
i went up to B class and u all tot i was lying.
u all dont believe.. till the report book was out..
and after that, u all still ask me to do better and better.
i didnt hear good words from u all at all..
i need encouragment.
i'm a human too.
i NEED UR encouragment..
but all along, i failed to get them..

see, i've loads of tots.. but ? no use.
i dont like to share..
they wont care too.
tell nicely, we will also end up in a fight.
wats the point.
i find no point in living mann..
but i will work hardd.
i give my best.
it's up to u all to judge me.
u wanna think that i'm not serious in work, go ahead.
u wanna think that i only play and play w/o studying, go ahead.
i cant stop u .
i can only pray for miracle.
thats all.........